We start life with no concept of our bodies. After a few months we start to make the connection, “Hey this is part of me!” We grow a little more and we learn to control our body parts. We love discovering what we can do with them and what they enable us to do. We don’t think in terms of flaws. We saw nothing wrong with rolls and rolls on our little baby thighs.
As we grow we gain new perspectives. Much of which is good, but it’s not all good. Our once “perfectly good thighs” that never failed to do what we needed them to do – walk, play, run, get us where we’re going, etc… we come to realize are “flawed.” We find out from a magazine or a television commercial or a friend or family member that thighs that rub together are flawed or if they exceed a certain circumference they are unsightly.
It’s not uncommon to think that self-hate or flaw-finding is a good thing. Some think that we can’t improve unless we find out what needs improving and to do that we need to identify our flaws. I disagree on many levels. I don’t want a media image to tell me how I need to look to be flawless. I don’t want to waste my life trying to change what won’t change and doesn’t need to change. I don’t want to hate what I have because it’s never going to be good enough.
I did that once. I dieted to fix my flaws. I got much too thin but didn’t see how skinny I’d become. All I saw were my flaws. I hoped that losing weight would get rid of them and it did make the flaws not as bad but they were still there! I wished I had the money to surgically remove my flaws and meanwhile, but I didn’t.I realized that hating my body wasn’t a motivator.
I wanted to look and feel my best. It was hard to make choices that supported the goal of looking and feeling good when I hated myself. I often made choices that undermined my goal. I overate and chose the couch over any physical activity, even fun activities! I believed that there really was no point in eating and exercising because no matter how think I got, I’d still have flaws. After wasting too much time hating myself for not being able to shape my body into flawless perfection and hating my body because it wasn’t adequately moldable and thus flawless I changed my thinking.
I read an essay written by somebody who sounded just like me. I could have written that essay until I got to the part where she decided she wasn’t flawed; her perceptions were flawed. She wrote about how she wrote an apology to her flawed body as though she were writing to a valued friend. She described how writing that letter or apology helped her regain perception. There was nothing wrong with her body and it deserved her love and good care. It made so much sense so I tried it.
I wrote a letter to my thighs!
Please forgive me for being mean to you! You have always been there for me. You have never let me down. We have had so many great adventures together and you’re always ready for action!
I know you’re strong, healthy and beautiful. I was a fool to let anybody convince me otherwise. I will give you the good care and love you deserve. I promise to feed you well and exercise you daily to keep you fit!
I love you!
If you have figure flaws you can fix them right now! It just takes a new perspective. Stop putting your body or body parts down because they don’t look a certain way. Appreciate what you body or body parts do for you. Write yourself a letter of apology and treat yourself the way you would treat a beloved friend.
There! You did it! No more flaws!